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[DGrayson]

Whenever I try to reach out to old friends it always goes like this;

- I dig up old contact details and usually send an email, asking how they are doing and giving a short update about myself
- I get a fast reply from them very excited to hear from me, thanking me for reaching out, giving some info about them, asking some follow up questions on how I am doing or my family etc
- I then reply with answers and more questions for them
- No replies after that.

 

[-Minsc-]

Yeah, it's a choice though, isn't it? If both of you find it difficult, then you'll never speak. I guess pick one!

For sure! While I didn't do all the work I know I would not be married to my wife now if I did not take the time to speak with her.

 

[WoJ]

I'm 41, life happens. I have a few friends I maintained really good contact with until my late 30s. During COVID many of those friendships kind of just died. We just stopped communicating. I tried to keep in touch with some and they stopped replying. I decided I am only willing to reach out so many times if the effort isn't reciprocated.

COVID also revealed the true colors of a lot of longer term friends. After seeing some of the terrible things people would post on social media I realized they were people I didn't want to associate with any longer so I kind of just let things fade.

I also find that as others have said kids and family just change things. Commitments and time constraints make other relationships more difficult to maintain. It's not impossible, but the notion of "if you care and really value the friendship you'll make it happen" is naive.

I have also come to realize many friends come into life for a period of time due to a job, a neighbor, or randomly and can become very close for a while then life takes over.

I've learned it's just part of life. And that's okay.

 

[Kenpachii]

When u have kids a wife, work, house, parents, family, kid party's, pets. The last thing u think about is having to visit your stoner friend that still is single and plays games 24/7.

Friends are useful if u don't have a relationship. Or friends are useful if they are in the same stage of life. So kids play at eachothers place, she or he can watch on your kids while u need to do this etc.

People simple don't have the time anymore.

I mostly see people get in touch with there friends again when there relationships crumble, but when a new relationship starts its fast over.

 

[Mr Reasonable]

When u have kids a wife, work, house, parents, family, kid party's, pets. The last thing u think about is having to visit your stoner friend that still is single and plays games 24/7.

That seems an unnecessarily harsh slight to throw around there. Plenty of people lose touch with friends despite not being single stoners playing video games 24/7, I'm sure!

 

[Kenpachii]

That seems an unnecessarily harsh slight to throw around there. Plenty of people lose touch with friends despite not being single stoners playing video games 24/7, I'm sure!

I mean with it, that u have a friend with endless time and no commitments.

 

[Dr.Morris79]

I am 43. I had dreams. I had massive ambitions. Kids and family took over and now I see none of my friends. I am in contact with a close friend from when I was younger pretty much every day over the phone but to see each other, that’s gone. Life really does get in the way.
All my other “friends” from school are single and I don’t really talk to them anymore. They have their own lives and they’re seemingly all happy.

Are you me?

That's me?

Saying that though I've still got a couple of mates from school, we've been planning to meet up to get some grub and a chat. Think it started about two years ago, might even be three..

One day we'll do it.

 

[NecrosaroIII]

I'm 36. I still see my core group of friends every 2 weeks for DND. I see my best friend once a week to watch anime.

But none of us have kids. My best friend is trying, and I already see him pulling away. So that will be sad

 

[Mossybrew]

I think I was fairly lucky, in that my core group of friends from high school, all got married, started having kids all about the same time period in our mid 20's. So we still stuck together, would hang out at kids parties, hang out for football on Sundays, even made time for videogames and other random stuff.

However for a variety of reasons that seemed worth it at the time, I moved out of state when I was almost 40. At first we kept in touch, called, texted. There were promises of visits that somehow never materialized. Long distance friendships man, it's tough, out of sight, out of mind is a real thing. Now 11 years later all those friends I left behind, haven't talked to in years. My fault too, not just theirs.

 

[ÆMNE22A!C]

And sometimes friends under the influence of morphine benzos and vodka say stupid things without ill intention.


Fuck my old friends IRL

 

[-Minsc-]

Just fired off a message to my overseas cousin. The guy was my best friend as a kid. At the very least I can be there for a little online gaming recreation here and there.

 

[Krappadizzle]

I'm 52 and my friends these days are my wife (best friend anyway) and my 3 children. 2 of those are adults. Who needs friends when you can create your own.

Are you Michael Scott?

 

[Quasicat]

Yep. I’m 42 and used to have tons of friends. I ended around the same time I had kids. I just didn’t have time very often anymore. We all just drifted apart. I got a few I chat with but I’d say I’m down to maybe 2-3 true friends. Maybe less.

Yep. Had a bunch of friends until we all went away to college. I kept two that I were the closest to and even then, it was a very superficial thing when we were busy building career/family 15 years ago or so. Now in our mid-40s, we have a dedicated online game night on Tuesdays where we play for a couple of hours and just chat like we were in middle school. I’m happy this is possible with them living 9 hours and a couple of states away.

 

[BadBurger]

I feel for you, but my friends have always been there for me and I have have always been there for my friends.

 

[SiahWester]

Depressing, huh? The only unconditional relationship in life is with your mother. That's the only real shit you get. Everyone else will just forget about you one way or another.

 

[ÆMNE22A!C]

It's quite interpersonal and context depended.

And people grow and thus change.

Quite the complex inquiry

 

[DeepEnigma]

When you're grown, it's important to keep your circle small and of quality (the real ride or dies).

Less stress, less drama, more love and unconditional qualities.

Value those people the most.

 

[ÆMNE22A!C]

When you're grown, it's important to keep your circle small and of quality (the real ride or dies).

Less stress, less drama, more love and unconditional quality.

Well said. If able.

 

[NecrosaroIII]

Depressing, huh? The only unconditional relationship in life is with your mother. That's the only real shit you get. Everyone else will just forget about you one way or another.

My mother doesn't return my calls. She's too busy trying to raise my sisters son.

 

[The Pleasure]

Did you think you were going to be playing Mario Kart and eating pizza with friends for the rest of your life?

If you were my friend, you'd probably just steal my pizza before we game tbh.

 

[RSLAEV]

I have closer connections to old co-workers than I do old friends. I ran into a guy that I used to work for 15 years ago and we talked more about stuff than I have to any of my friends from the past 20 years. When you work with or for someone you're bound by purpose, vision and the need to earn a living. Meanwhile the things that keep people together as friends tend to fizzle out easily or get replaced by new connections/obligations with other people.

 

[Mattdaddy]

Yep its sad man. Im in my late 30s now and some of my best friends from high school or college might exchange annual bday texts or comment on our how bad our football teams sucks like once a year. No animosity or anything, life just happens.

Its sucks too cause you wish you had paid more attention or cherished the fun moments you had together while they were happening... but you're just completely oblivious at that point in your life to the fact its gonna end sooner than you think.

Like college was the best time of my life and I had an awesome crew of friends that all ran around together, it was just insane amounts of fun.

It always makes me sad that there was a moment that all of us went out together and it was the last time... and it just ended with zero recognition or pomp & circumstance whatsoever. We all just went home like "See yall later dudes!" and then it was just over. Someone moved for work, someone got married, X happened, Y happened. That group was just never together again like that.

 

[T-0800]

Are you Michael Scott?

 

[Ownage]

Respectfully, 25-26 isn't grown up. Your plot is just beginning. Ditch any haters and build again.

 

[Rival]

Honestly it was around 27-28 that I lost contact with a lot of old friends. It just happens. I haven’t even seen my old best friend in like 10 years.

 

[Puscifer]

 

[Rentahamster]

I don't find that to be a problem because I cultivate relationships with people who want to give their time and energy to me.

Older relationships with people who are too busy or too uninvested to care as much get deprioritized. Out with the old in with the new.

Keep socializing, keep active, stay relevant, and always make new connections to find the right matches who fit with your current stage in life. Not everyone will come on your journey with you. Leave the ones who don't and seek the ones who do.

 

[West Texas CEO]

If you were my friend, you'd probably just steal my pizza before we game tbh.

 

[SmokedMeat]

It’s part of life. I’m still friends with a couple people from my school days, but I’d rather spend my time with my family 100% of the time. The thought of hanging out with just a friend from school doesn’t sound appealing to me. I’d much rather make it a couples thing.

Now that my kids are grown and married, I’ll eventually be looking at grandchildren. In place of school friends, there’s friends made at work, friends made in the neighborhood, and our children’s friends and their families have become family friends. Friends of friends have become friends. Hell, with the recent weddings there’s in laws and more new faces in our lives.

I’m happy with the way things are. I joked with my wife and a friend the other week that I’m not in the market for new friends.

 

[FunkMiller]

People you haven't seen or heard from in years aren't your friends anymore.

A cornerstone of friendship is remaining in contact. If that isn't happening, then that friendship has passed.

 

[FullMetalx117]

As others have implied - your true friends end up becoming the ones you haven’t talked to or seen in months but once you do it’s like nothing changed/no time passed at all. Cherish those days

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

The thought of hanging out with just a friend from school doesn’t sound appealing to me. I’d much rather make it a couples thing.

this is so weird.

In place of school friends, there’s friends made at work, friends made in the neighborhood, and our children’s friends and their families have become family friends. Friends of friends have become friends. Hell, with the recent weddings there’s in laws and more new faces in our lives.

As is this, if you have that many "friends", you probably don't have any actual friends and you're mistaking them with acquaintances.
Social media like Facebook have warped people's idea of what a friend is with their "friends lists", now suddenly everyone has hundreds of "friends"; a friend is someone you have a meaningful connection with, not just someone you know or just being friendly. Friendship and Friendliness aren't the same and if the thought of hanging out with a "friend from school" doesn't sound appealing to you, then you never had a meaningful connection with that person and really weren't friends in the first place.

 

[Yamisan]

You are only 25 and have not even experienced life.

 

[SmokedMeat]

this is so weird.

As is this, if you have that many "friends", you probably don't have any actual friends and you're mistaking them with acquaintances.
Social media like Facebook have warped people's idea of what a friend is with their "friends lists", now suddenly everyone has hundreds of "friends"; a friend is someone you have a meaningful connection with, not just someone you know or just being friendly. Friendship and Friendliness aren't the same and if the thought of hanging out with a "friend from school" doesn't sound appealing to you, then you never had a meaningful connection with that person and really weren't friends in the first place.

You’re making assumptions about what I consider to be a friend.

I’m talking about people I literally get together with on a normal basis. People whose company I enjoy, and look forward to. Not imaginary social media friends.

Also we grow older. Someone whom I was very good friends with back in school, Im still friends with. But I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t have any desire to do the same activities we did decades ago. Maybe it’s weird to you, but that’s just how I feel.

 

[Putonahappyface]

From my experience friendships die off when girlfriends/boyfriends enter the scene.

 

[CrankyJay™]

Great.

It is what it is, man.

My best friend in college lives 20 minutes drive away and I don't see him more than once or twice a year. If I want to hang, I need to be "penciled in" into his busy life. But then I see him always hanging out with his brother in law or his neighbors, so basically his world has become a lot smaller.

I've gotten rejected to hang out so much that I just gave up asking.

For a lot men, that's adulthood.

 

[arkhamguy123]

From my experience friendships die off when girlfriends/boyfriends enter the scene.

Think that’s what I’m experiencing

 

[arkhamguy123]

It is what it is, man.

I've gotten rejected to hang out so much that I just gave up asking.

This is sadly where I’m at right now

 

[nush]

Whenever I try to reach out to old friends it always goes like this;

- I dig up old contact details and usually send an email, asking how they are doing and giving a short update about myself
- I get a fast reply from them very excited to hear from me, thanking me for reaching out, giving some info about them, asking some follow up questions on how I am doing or my family etc
- I then reply with answers and more questions for them
- No replies after that.

Guess we have the same old friends.

 

[TheMan]

Buddy, the sad truth is that it only gets worse as you get older unless you make an effort to maintain those connections. And even then the other person has to be just as willing to do their part in maintaining.

 

[TheloniusFabdul]

This is sadly where I’m at right now

Same, man.

I literally live next door to my childhood friend, and he can't even be bothered to respond to my texts.

These people like to use being busy as an excuse, but if you value something in life,
then you will make time for it.

 

[Nydius]

It gets worse.

It really does.

I was fortunate that I had a core group of friends that lasted until my very early 30s, but they started falling off one-by-one. Some for relationship issues, some over career ones, (ed: lost one to drugs -- he's not dead as far as I know, he just became so wrapped up in his addiction that he cut everyone else off). It sucked but I just accepted that it was part of life. At least I had two very close friends who stuck through it all... but even those fell apart. One got a new job in 2019 and moved to New York State and gradually stopped talking to everyone he knew back "home" in Virginia. Then the pandemic happened, turned everything upside down for our family, causing us to end up moving halfway across country. I've tried staying in touch with my last remaining close friend in Virginia but I guess "out of sight, out of mind" has become his point of view. He never responds to texts, calls, Xbox or PlayStation game invites, anything.

Outside of my wife, i don't have any close immediate family. I was never close to my extended family because they were all much older than myself (and lived all over the place). Now I live somewhere where I've got no friends or family whatsoever. I've repeatedly made sincere attempts to meet new people and be neighborly with people in my neighborhood, to no avail. Everyone is stuck in their own little insular worlds and don't want to let anyone else/new into them.

I'm beginning to understand why my mom used to complain about feeling lonely during the last 8-10 years she was alive.

 

[gaming_again]

Had a strange epiphany recently. I'm 25, almost 26, and it feels like just yesterday I had just turned 22 and was on this very off-topic forum asking for career advice as I had one offer in New York City and another in my hometown. The former was the better offer but I was hesitant because I thought, "but all my best friends are in the hometown!" To which some of you out there retorted that that is unimportant and as I would get older I'd see that never really lasts like how I think it will. To which internally I scoffed at that with the upmost disbelief and distain. However this exact notion was something I had been hearing from older people like parents and other adults since I was a kid. Which of course I always thought was "just them" or just straight up wrong. "What do they know?" I'd think to myself

Well here I am decently older, in the hometown and wow, depressing revelation, everyone was right? I go months without seeing some of the guys. To be fair, we all have serious GFs, we're all moved in with our signifiant others or might as well be, but still even before that I felt it drifting. Its nothing like cartoonishly bad or malevolent. It's just, life I guess? Guys I've known since middle school will just ghost texts, not return calls, not reach out unless I do, just seem generally apathetic towards the good ol value of adult friendships. If I really needed these guys they'd be there in a heartbeat, like if I was hurt, or depressed or needed help in anyway. In fact some of them just helped me move. But outside of that it seems like the days of talking on the phone for hours or inviting them over to play video games or go do something are kind of done. And everyone has their own friendship circle outside of me that also has to get focus, often times more focus. And you add in everyone has full time jobs? Game over.

And it’s not just friends from public school/childhood. I made a few adult friends at my old apartment that I would consider very-very close for the 2 years I was there and almost immediately after I moved, same story. Don't reach out, ghosts texts, always have a reason they can't hang out anymore. Same apathy. These people are also in committed relationships and moved in with their SO. The only one who still seems to venerate the old high school days and wants to hang is the one who is like 25 and still lives with his mom... so make of that what you will. Is this all just part of growing up? Or is it just me?

As you get older you’ll find your circle getting smaller as people drop out. This is because some of you will become successful and others won’t. An imbalance in social-economical status doesn’t really work. There’s nothing nasty underneath it; it’s just that people like to be able to relate to each other. When you’re younger you’re all broke. This changes.

I remember being your age and finding this kind of thing shocking and sad. But it’s the natural state of things and in time you’ll find it to be inevitable.

 

[gaming_again]

Buddy, the sad truth is that it only gets worse as you get older unless you make an effort to maintain those connections. And even then the other person has to be just as willing to do their part in maintaining.

Indeed. And you have to learn get over your feelings if they take ages to reply.

 

[Punished Miku]

Get a cat. They're always down to hang out.

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

Also we grow older. Someone whom I was very good friends with back in school, Im still friends with. But I’m not a kid anymore. I don’t have any desire to do the same activities we did decades ago

Then you still weren't friends, you just went to school together and were friendly, actual friendships connect over more than just "activities done decades ago"; if you can't enjoy each other's company regardless of the "activity", then what you had was very shallow indeed and not a real friendship.

 

[SmokedMeat]

Then you still weren't friends, you just went to school together and were friendly, actual friendships connect over more than just "activities done decades ago"; if you can't enjoy each other's company regardless of the "activity", then what you had was very shallow indeed and not a real friendship.

Ok bud, you can play the online gatekeeper for friendships of internet people you don’t even know lol

 

[Reizo Ryuu]

Ok bud, you can play the online gatekeeper for friendships of internet people you don’t even know lol

If that's what you took from it, no wonder you think your shallow interactions were friendships, but sure, keep whatever definition you're holding on to and stay ignorantly believing you're friends with the people it feels unappealing to interact with; peace.

 

[Klosshufvud]

It's hard to keep friends when everyone is working 40-50 hours a week, have to manage a home, have to keep themselves fit, have to potentially keep a partner happy and then your own family, and so on...

Friendships in adulthood is simply not compatible with 21th century way of living. There is no incentive, no time, no energy and no real reason to maintain friendships. And with age, being alone isn't so bad.

 

[DeepEnigma]

This just happened to pop up,