I wanna show you something.
A few months ago, I received a mail from a guy. He is a Ukrainian fellow living in Poland that, from the onset of the war, started lifting more than his weight and collecting, buying, packaging and flying to and from US and other parts, CATs, tourniquets, MEDbags etc. He was one of the firsts and most prominent volunteers on Reddit...someday someone will write about how Redditors helped saved thousands of lives and helped kill thousands of orcs through crowdwarring, but I digress...
He contacted me just in February this year thanking me for my donations two years ago, for my kindness and solidarity with his people, and wanted to give something in return. He offered me one Ukrainian commemorative bill. I said yes, of course, although I didn't think I deserved nothing in return, I would love to have one.
I received it just before Easter/Holy Week. I opened it and was amazed by the bill, but more amazed there was another inclusion. I wanted to write him back right away, but then I thought I would after Easter/Holy Week.
Things weren't as dire and it really seemed Europe was pulling it's head out of it's ass, just in time. But it was all just smoke and mirrors...our politicians were as always, lying through ass and teeth, stalling and trying to politick themselves out of a situation their voters wanted them to get further in. Meanwhile, in the US, the long hard road into hell continued.
How could I write that guy that risked money, life and ass, while he was watching and living how our promises and our word, our values DIDN'T MEANT SHIT and tell him 'hey, thanks for the goodies, hope things are good and good hunting'
?
I COULDN'T.
I was fucking wordless. Sad and utterly ashamed, I was watching how our politicians appeared to be Chamberlaining us into a WWIII where we would probably have to fight first the enslaved meat waves of the poor Ukrainians those sons of bitches Russians could get their shit-covered hoofs on, because that has always been their MO, enslave others to do their shit. Because SHIT is what they always do.
Well, suffice to say, I was in a very dark place regarding hope and shit. Couldn't write back, and like fuck could open that envelope, take out the things and look at them, much less share them here. I didn't deserve them, not by my actions, but by the inactions of others.
I still think I don't deserve this, and I won't until I see the last russian soldier come to murder and russian civilian colonizer transplant is either the other fucking way of the border back into the dumpster they came from to trample over the bones of people murdered in their own house, or it's fertilizing the lovely Ukrainian Chernozem...
Then, maybe then, I will feel like I did enough to deserve a gift for my kindness.
Maybe when I go to that legendary Crimean Beach Party, I've had a few of these and a few of those, I will be able to take them out, look at them and think 'A better man than me gifted this to me for trying to be ONCE a trilionth of a fraction of what many millions of men, women and children in his country were every fucking day'. And I'm surrounded by peoples from all places all over the world and walks of life EXCEPT Russian, Iranian, Chinese and N.Korean, partying their brains out...maybe then.
Maybe then, when the Ukrainians enjoy peace and prosperity bought with the Blood Price( a bit of theirs, A FUCKING LOT OF THEIR NEIGHBOURS') and their neighbours either murdered their way into freedom at last through the corpses of their Tyrants, or kept being Russian and set course into the greatest ass spanking the world ever saw, and the oblivion of their entire civilization and identity, maybe then, I will feel that what little could I give was enough to deserve it.
Because I'm still fucking ENRAGED and ASHAMED it had to get so dire for them when we promised, FUCKING PROMISED, they would never walk alone.
Because maybe there are 1, 10, 50 guys&gals still walking this earth thanks to my kindness, and all I can think of is Oskar Schindler's 'not enough' monologue when I look at these gifts and I just want to cry my heart out when I could have given more...and I didn't.
But now, if we *really* pulled our heads out of our asses and cleaned our own shit from our faces, maybe in a few weeks, when all I hear and watch on Reddit and the news is how the 3rd Ukrainian Wrecking Ball is eating the Nth Motorized Rifle Division for breakfast and sending their wives and children their freshly shitted skulls, I won't be as sad and ashamed to write back, thank him for such enormous gifts and tell him ' I got you fam, and we will got you till the end'
Meanwhile, I will just leave here this because I just want to share it with like-minded folks.