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[John Marston]

Over the last 2 years all of you on GAF helped me keep my head with entertainment & laughs.

However I lost my mom in May 2020 to Covid and wanted to share a bit.

This thread is for everyone who wish to honor the memory of a loved one.

I'll try to keep this short.
My mom was a "strong woman" before the term was invented and raised me by herself when I was born in 1968.
She was an English teacher for 30 years at a public school . She would rummage through my Iron Maiden & Rush records so she could play them to her students for vocabulary purposes.

She was strict but always fair and cooked a mean lasagna. She loved dogs.

In 2015 dementia set in and I had to put her in a nursing home. She was always against the concept of nursing homes but when dementia gets you you forget all about it you know? The irony.

Here she is in 2017 when she would still smile and we could still have "conversations" .

She died the 12th of may 2020, alone.
Her doctor called me and said that she died between his rounds. I found myself comforting him more than he did me. The man truly sounded tired and distraught.

Never could I have imagined a scenario where I could not be by my mom's side during her last moments.
The feeling of powerlessness & guilt still haunts me. Nobody deserves to die alone like a dog.

Time passing by helps a bit as I focus more on the happy memories than her shitty demise.

Thank you all again for making me feel like I'm not alone in this world and feel free to share as well

 

[InfiniteCombo]

OP, don't beat yourself up for not being able to not be next to her in her final moments. Rules during Covid times were crazy; I have a friend who lost her dad during Covid (in a foreign country, no less!) and not only could she not go to be next to him in his last moments, she couldn't even go to his funeral.

Sounds like your mom was an exceptional woman. May she rest in peace.

Thanks for sharing OP, not sure how easy it was to share your story, but I'm glad you did. I know this is just a video game forum but we're all human at the end of the day.

Stay strong brother

 

[Batiman]

RIP to your Mom brother.

I lost a co worker when the first wave came around. Big awesome dude that played for the Blue jays farm team back in the day. Was only in his late 40s. Hopefully the worst of covid is over.

 

[Raven117]

Never could I have imagined a scenario where I could not be by my mom's side during her last moments.
The feeling of powerlessness & guilt still haunts me. Nobody deserves to die alone like a dog.

Dude. You can't do this to yourself. This was not your call. There was nothing that could be done in those crazy times.

She sounds like a wonderful women, and you a great son.

 

[Werewolf Jones]

Damn that post made me cry.

 

[John Marston]

I don't want pity, I want us to come together somehow so we can heal a bit

 

[Clear]

I'm with you bro.

My mum passed on the 17th Feb. Not going into details because I'm still raw, can't even think about it.

Just wanted to say, hard as it is to see someone you love go so far away through mental and physical debilitation, the thought that kept me going. Keeps me going. Is that the stars are always there, even when we can't see them.

I hope that makes some sort of sense to you.

Peace.

 

[Celcius]

Sorry to hear about that OP. I lost a cousin and an aunt to covid.
Whenever the pandemic is over and we finally start back having family reunions, it just won't be the same.

 

[TheMan]

Sorry to hear that OP, losing a parent is tough and to not be there with them makes it even worse.

 

[AlteredForms]

RIP

 

[The Pleasure]

I lost my uncle and friend early on and my godmother lost her daughter during the pandemic. My uncle was 60 and my godmother's daughter was in her early 40s. I still feel guilt about not spending more time with my uncle. It's a hard feeling to get over as it was early in the pandemic and there was no idea what was going on when it happened. My friend died in his mid thirties in the pandemic when he was in the hospital as a nurse. It's not something that just goes away as there's always questions of what could have been done to keep them alive just a little bit longer.

I'm sorry for your loss, but you just have to take it as it comes. Almost everything is progress if you let it be.

 

[Hawking Radiation]

Sorry to hear that OP.

I lost my aunt (my dad's sister) to covid and she was all the way back in South Africa while my dad is living in Australia. And because of covid we coudn't attend her funeral.

My uncle had covid and we were close to losing him but he recovered however he is not the same person he was before covid. Have had several other family members get covid and have recovered.

My dad, mom and aunt that has passed on due to covid. RIP Aunt Anne, we love and miss you ❤

 

[Valedix]

Hey OP thanks for sharing your story hope you are doing well.

 

[Star-Lord]

As many of you know, I was born and raised in Ireland, but moved to England during my uni years and never went back. I was due to fly home around the time COVID hit, but lockdown prevented that happening. My dad, who was suffering from an onslaught of diseases and conditions, was already in a bad state. I got a call on the 19th April 2020 to say that my dad had been admitted to hospital following a collapse at home. I managed to talk to him that night on the phone, and everything seemed to be alright. I was woken up at 4am the next morning by a call. As we all know, a call at that time is one of two things; a booty call, or someone has died. As I hadn't gone through my sexual reawakening at that point, I knew exactly what it was. I answered and pretty much collapsed to the floor in a heap. He had died, alone and afraid. I didn't get to say goodbye or attend his funeral.

My father was one of the most honest, most loyal, most determined and hard-working men I have ever known. He was my go-to guy for so many reasons, and there's not a day go by where I don't miss him.

RIP, Dad.

 

[John Marston]

Hey OP thanks for sharing your story hope you are doing well.

Thank you and yes I'm doing better as time is a healer but I still get pangs of guilt even 2 years later because I could not be with my mom as she passed away.

I KNOW this was out of my control but I never imagined such an atrocious and unforgiving scenario for me and many other families who stood helpless.

Posts like yours make it better, less yucky in my soul.

 

[DeafTourette]

I'm sorry for your loss, man.

My birth mom passed away that year AFTER beating COVID a couple of months later; though I suspect her death was due to COVID complications that lingered after recovering from the main thrust of it.

Like you, I comforted others more than I was being comforted. Which is the way I wanted it to be.

Don't beat yourself up. She wouldn't want you to do that. My mom died alone, too. It effed with me big time. But she had been fighting illnesses for a long time, for years in the nursing home. I know she wanted to rest because it was too much.

Your mom isn't in pain. No suffering. I hope that thought gives you peace. It gives me some whenever I think about my birth mom and her final days.

 

[jabberwookie]

That sucks, dude. I don't know if it ever really gets a ton easier, but we can't change the past and hopefully make peace with it.

I lost my dad at the end of 2020. He was in the hospital for 3 weeks prior and said he wasn't going on a ventilator. My step mother kept assuring me he was looking better every day even though he eventually stopped texting himself. The last few texts he sent me and my cousin were angry like he was giving up and tired of people contacting him. Then I got one that said he can't see or talk so I figured it was my step mom who sent it.

I wish I got on a plane and went out to see him. He just sounded like he wanted to be left alone during the whole ordeal. He was also a hardcore antivaxxer who was telling everyone on social media that covid's being blown out of proportion. Maybe he felt a sense of guilt and possibly embarrassment about that. No way of ever knowing.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[casablanca]

Thanks for sharing OP.

Lost a cousin my age at the very beginning of COVID , family hid it for me till the last moment, and I have a hard time forgiving them or getting over it .

 

[Happosai]

I'll be praying for you. I know many disagree but that's what works for me. I feel that everyone leaves a footprint which preserves their memory. Home videos, photos, music (if they had this gift) or the greatest of these which is what we hold in our hearts and minds. I remember a friend lost his Dad when I was in college and he told me, "I don't remember much about my Dad..." They weren't close. That's a reminder to all of us. We need to be close to those like our mothers, fathers, significant others...as we have them here. Keep her memory alive and share it with others. God bless you and thank you for sharing her life with us.

 

[Maiden Voyage]

I lost a former mentor of mine in 2021. He took his own life after having his small business’ application for govt payout get denied. That business was his life for the previous 30 years. Especially disappointing to see the businesses who got those funds largely did nothing of value with the money.

 

[LiquidMetal14]

Well I hovered over with the thread and thought I'd share this. Around 2 years ago or so or right around covid starting, I would say my closest uncle passed away. The significance of it really comes down to him going out of this way to getting my birth certificate from my home country in order to help me over here. There are things that happen in life that altered and sometimes the people that impact you the most anyway is that might not seem important in the grand scheme of things are the ones that you appreciate the most.

At the end of the day I remember talking to him and had not talked to him like that since I was a kid roughly 30 years ago. I was really happy for that time that we got to catch up and talked man to man and was really appreciative of that.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

Parents are still alive, although I am amazed my father is still going after no physical activity for the past 15-20 years and massive overweight. When he will be gone it will be long time coming.

Mother's death will probably hit me hard, life will be much less interesting without her.

My grandmother passed away over 20 years ago, I still remember the moment she died. The other one a decade later, hated the witch so I don't even know exactly when she kicked the bucket.

 

[Quasicat]

I lost a coworker, several former students that I continued to speak with, and a current student who died of cancer during Covid. Add to that, many friends that lost siblings and parents during that time. It really sucked and honestly I felt like leaving the education field as I get really close with my students.

That time in my life has shown me that I need to take nothing for granted. Whenever I see my parents, who were not lovey dovey when I was growing up, I tell them that I love them and appreciate them. I do this to my wife and children as well. I have no idea if I will ever see them alive again and this helps me know that I made it clear how special they were in my life.