Support NeoGAF

[King of Foxes]

Hello neogaf. This will be a rather weird thread but let's see what advice I can get.

About 17 years ago I was seeing (friends with benefits) girl A. It was never really serious just highschool sex.

So girl A and I eventually fizzled out and just stayed friends. She introduced me to two of her friends. Girl B and my future wife. They were all friends, girl B and I started fooling around for a couple months and then that also stopped on friendly terms. Girl B went back to her ex and kinda disappeared from our circle of friends. Not completely but she was with her ex and was pregnant (who we all assumed was the dad) she moved back to Russia and became very spiritual. She would travel to India often and was basically a hippie type (still is and does travel to India and Thailand a lot)

Then over time my future wife and I started dating and eventually ended up married etc.

Now during my wife and I dating, girl A and B were always at least partially in her circle of friends, girl A more than girl B. And enough time has passed that I don't consider these girls my old flings they are my wife's friends.

We have caught up with both of them many many times over the years with no dramas. I have met girl B's daughter a million times.

So fast forward to early Saturday morning, I open my Facebook and I have a msg from girl B, she basically writes that she always suspected I was the father of her daughter and not her now ex then boyfriend. He must have thought so too eventually and a couple years ago got a DNA test which proved he wasn't. She then said she had only slept with 5 men her entire life and he and I were the only two even close to the year her daughter was born.

My wife also woke up to a msg from girl B saying she needs to talk with me.

Of course we were/are shocked but the first thing she did was call and then when girl B wouldn't answer started msging. Eventually they spoke on the phone and girl B started apologizing and saying she was drunk and high and it seemed like a funny joke at the time but it's not true.

She also wrote me saying sorry etc

Since then my wife who is Facebook friends with the daughter also started going through photos just looking for resemblance and noticed the daughter has a small circle birthmark on her right thigh. My father, my brother and I all have this same birthmark, various sizes but basically all in the same spot, apparently my grandfathers brother had it also, so a family birthmark.

So there you have it, we both strongly suspect the daughter is mine and the story about it being a joke not true.

I have no idea how to go forward or even begin to act, I would actually like to see her face to face and discuss more but as she is living in Moscow thats not really an option.

Should I approach the daughter? I'm really stumped, I have no idea if the man she believes is her father ever told her so I don't want to cause pain that isn't necessary.

Any thoughts or ideas?

 

[Elektro Demon]

Boy, that's some serious shit.
If I were you, I'd approach the daughter and try to talk to her. I'm guessing it's gonna be weird but if you're the father you do have a sort of an obligation to at least talk to her and maybe help her financially.
I'm not a dad, so I can't give you a better advice. It's a really fucked up situation. I'm guessing you were quite shocked.

 

[Captain Zyrain]

I would do anything unless the mom reaches out again. Or I guess if the daughter reaches out.

Imaging knocking on the door randomly saying I'm yo daddy!

But do keep us updated! Is Maury still taping shows?

 

[King of Foxes]

Maybe help her financially.
It's a really fucked up situation. I'm guessing you were quite shocked.

Not that I wouldn't help with money but girl B is quite financially stable so it's not needed.

And shocked is an understatement, the it's a joke angle makes no sense, girl B went into serious details. Her writing seemed drunk also so I have a hard time believing a drunk person would make up such detailed lies.

And to be honest I'm a little angry, if she actually is my daughter I feel betrayed that I have missed everything about her growing up.

My current thoughts are to just leave it alone until the daughter is 18. Then I think I will contact the "dad", if I can find him and speak about this test and if that part is true.

 

[sonomamashine]

I open my Facebook and I have a msg from

Did you accidently exposed girl B name ? lol
Seriously you should reach out and try to get to the bottom of this, imagine that little girl growing without knowing her dad, that's paintful, i don't agree with others saying that you should help financially, but emotionally is more important, she wont blame you for money anyway.

 

[Elektro Demon]

Not that I wouldn't help with money but girl B is quite financially stable so it's not needed.

And shocked is an understatement, the it's a joke angle makes no sense, girl B went into serious details. Her writing seemed drunk also so I have a hard time believing a drunk person would make up such detailed lies.

And to be honest I'm a little angry, if she actually is my daughter I feel betrayed that I have missed everything about her growing up.

My current thoughts are to just leave it alone until the daughter is 18. Then I think I will contact the "dad", if I can find him and speak about this test and if that part is true.

You know the old saying, a drunk man says what the sober one thinks.
There's no way a normal and sane person would joke about something like this. So she's probably your daughter.
I agree with waiting till she's 18 and then contacting her. It's a smart move.

 

[King of Foxes]

Did you accidently exposed girl B name ? lol
Seriously you should reach out and try to get to the bottom of this, imagine that little girl growing without knowing her dad, that's paintful, i don't agree with others saying that you should help financially, but emotionally is more important, she wont blame you for money anyway.

I did and just edited. Thank you for spotting.

 

[Elektro Demon]

Did you accidently exposed girl B name ? lol
Seriously you should reach out and try to get to the bottom of this, imagine that little girl growing without knowing her dad, that's paintful, i don't agree with others saying that you should help financially, but emotionally is more important, she wont blame you for money anyway.

Edit your post brah and remove the name from the quote.

 

[TindalosPup]

I'd suggest waiting it out a bit longer, my father was reunited with my half sister after she found out from her mother that the guy she was told was her dad until she was 16, well, wasn't. It's been like 18 years since and now she doesn't talk to her mother (for the obvious lies and manipulation she was quite guilty of) and has a somewhat better relationship with my dad for it


A drunk "You're the Daddy" text shouldn't be taken lightly in any circumstance. I'm glad your wife seems to be okay with it, you married the right one

Good luck!

 

[King of Foxes]

I'd suggest waiting it out a bit longer, my father was reunited with my half sister after she found out from her mother that the guy she was told was her dad until she was 16, well, wasn't. It's been like 18 years since and now she doesn't talk to her mother (for the obvious lies and manipulation she was quite guilty of) and has a somewhat better relationship with my dad for it


A drunk "You're the Daddy" text shouldn't be taken lightly in any circumstance. I'm glad your wife seems to be okay with it, you married the right one

Good luck!

My wife was crazy angry after the it's a joke call but after she calmed down and we discussed it, it was obvious to us it was most likely true.

She then got a bit sad and pointed out girl B's ex used to beat her, she doesn't know if he ever beat the daughter but it's almost certain she grew up watching her mom get hit.

From what we know girl B left him and he also cut contact with them.

 

[ClanOfNone]

Yeah, kudos to your wife for handling this like an actual adult. There isn't really a right or a wrong answer here, it's a fucked up situation. I would defer to the daughter's wishes, if she doesn't know anything at all, well.....I dont know what to tell ya. If she does know, and wants to try and build a bond then go for it! My two daughters are the best things in my life.

 

[TindalosPup]

My wife was crazy angry after the it's a joke call but after she calmed down and we discussed it, it was obvious to us it was most likely true.

She then got a bit sad and pointed out girl B's ex used to beat her, she doesn't know if he ever beat the daughter but it's almost certain she grew up watching her mom get hit.

From what we know girl B left him and he also cut contact with them.

Oooh that's rough

I hope this gets cleared up, especially if that's the case, she needs a better male role model, it could save her from inadvertently getting into similar abusive relationships. Children build their idea of love around their parents, stuff like that can really mess things up

 

[JimmyJones]

Block, change your name, flee the country.

 

[gela94]

I will never understand how people fool around and don't use protection . .. well the question is would you want to be involved? If not than maybe it's better to do nothing but if you feel curious you should try and talk to the mom or daughter.

 

[Stouffers]

Did her belly glow after sex?

 

[ChoosableOne]

What a circle you have back then! I didn't have a dot, let alone a circle in high school.

If you don't act right now, B's daugther will find you with some help from Russian TV shows in future, even if you're not her father. You will think about her all day till that day. If it turns out she really is your daughter, you won't forgive yourself knowing you left her alone all those years.

So yeah,

Block, change your name, flee the country.

or request a DNA test.

 

[Son Tofu]

Had something very similar happen to me right out of high school. Thankfully I requested a DNA test. The best you can do is request a DNA test.

 

[Punished Miku]

My only input is that your wife sounds like a great person.

 

[lock2k]

3 letters dude: D-N-A! Say what, say what?

 

[Papa]

17 years ago you were in high school? I don’t believe you. I’ve seen your photo, you’re at least 50. Unless you mean only she was in high school.

 

[King of Foxes]

17 years ago you were in high school? I don’t believe you. I’ve seen your photo, you’re at least 50. Unless you mean only she was in high school.

I went to Stockholm a couple months ago for work and went to one of their weird alcohol shops and got asked for Id, when I laughed and said you made my day the guy said we have to ask everyone.

Cunt

 

[Papa]

I went to Stockholm a couple months ago for work and went to one of their weird alcohol shops and got asked for Id, when I laughed and said you made my day the guy said we have to ask everyone.

Cunt

Bet they don’t check all the 15 year old refugees

 

[King of Foxes]

Bet they don’t check all the 15 year old doctors

.

 

[Foamy]

There is a chance that B's ex lied about the DNA test just to get out of paying support for the child.

 

[Night.Ninja]

How old is the girl? Do you and your wife have kids?

 

[King of Foxes]

How old is the girl? Do you and your wife have kids?

The girl will be 17 this year. We have two kids of our own and her brothers two kids live with us full time. All kids in our house are under 4

 

[Max_Po]

If your wife also got the message on face book she is also curious/"in the know"

You need to sit and talk to your wife first and come up with a solution which works for everyone.

 

[Dr.Guru of Peru]

Just leave it. Jesus, why go looking for trouble.

 

[*Nightwing]

This is a non problem until she (Girl B or suspected Daughter) decide to make it a problem. Don't worry about it until then. There is literally no point in worrying about it until that day comes if it ever does, as the only control in the matter you ever have had ended over 17 years ago when you came before pulling out, or before that when deciding to accept the consequences of unprotected sex. Now you are a bystander with no control until the day Girl B decides to involve you, no need to make it worse by stressing about it.

 

[AlteredForms]

This is a prime example of why you don't simply hit it and quit it.

 

[Tesseract]

This is a prime example of why you don't simply hit it and quit it.

 

[MastAndo]

That's heavy. If the kid were a child, I would suspect she might be up to something...but since she's basically an adult, I can't see what purpose this would serve - other than the mom having an episode of drunk guilt/honesty.

I would probably just leave it, and only pursue it if the daughter figures things out eventually and gets in touch with you - though it's hard to figure out the "right" thing to do here.

 

[Scotty W]

It was never really serious just highschool sex.

I just wanted to point out that there are 2 possible contradictory readings of this sentence.

 

[Stiflers Mom]

Congratulations on procreating and being able to dodge child support..

On a more serious note, I'd wait until she is 18, and then contact her and her mom. Clear up this situation.

 

[GreatnessRD]

Whew chile, that's a story there. You was outchea draggin' ya nuts back in the day, lol. If you think the child might be yours and you want to know, grab that DNA test. Or what the posted above stated, wait until she's 18 and go from there. Good luck either way.

 

[The Cockatrice]

Considering shes far away I'd say let it go and just move on. If the "daughter" is happy with her life there is no reason to put this pressure on her. If she finds out and wants to know who her father is one day, she'll do it on her terms.

 

[Chairman Tickles]

Run for the hills.

But seriously you've basically missed your other daughters upbringing. You can be polite casual family and that's about it. You will never be the real daddy. Father sure, but daddy no. No reason to rush anything, you lead separate lives.

 

[Elektro Demon 2.0]

Run for the hills.

But seriously you've basically missed your other daughters upbringing.

That's over rated. I have 2 sons, Cunth and MiyazakiHatesKojima and also one daughter Papa .
Trust me, there's nothing good in seeing my offsprings grow. I thought they're gonna be smarter when they grow up but they seem to get more stupid. I really wish I jerked off in the sink.
My daughter is the only bright one. Not the brighest bulb but she's gold when compared to my two idiot sons.
So trust me, seeing you kids upbringing, is very much over rated.

 

[Tesseract]

That's over rated. I have 2 sons, Cunth and MiyazakiHatesKojima and also one daughter Papa .
Trust me, there's nothing good in seeing my offsprings grow. I thought they're gonna be smarter when they grow up but they seem to get more stupid. I really wish I jerked off in the sink.
My daughter is the only bright one. Not the brighest bulb but she's gold when compared to my two idiot sons.
So trust me, seeing you kids upbringing, is very much over rated.

maybe you are the stupid one, maybe not

 

[Chairman Tickles]

That's over rated. I have 2 sons, Cunth and MiyazakiHatesKojima and also one daughter Papa .
Trust me, there's nothing good in seeing my offsprings grow. I thought they're gonna be smarter when they grow up but they seem to get more stupid. I really wish I jerked off in the sink.
My daughter is the only bright one. Not the brighest bulb but she's gold when compared to my two idiot sons.
So trust me, seeing you kids upbringing, is very much over rated.

 

[SidViscous]

No wonder the rest of us don't get sex, this guy here is taking up the forum quota.

In truth, you are a pretty innocent party in all of this so don't fret it. But everyone deserves to know who their parents are, so get a test then step up and get to know your other daughter and let her decide how much of you she wants in her life.

And try not to shag all her friends

 

[Hinedorf]

I think ultimately at this point in time it's really not about you. You're a fully formed adult, if this girl wants to have contact or wants to know the truth then I think that is the time to step forward into her life. As traumatic as it is for you I'd imagine it will be twice as much for the little girl.

 

[Tesseract]

blade runner said it best 'sometimes you have to be a stranger'

 

[Super Mario]

That's what you get for fucking A, B, and C.

 

[Evil Calvin]

I would think you could have her get a DNA test to see. I'm sure under all the circumstances, FB messages, birthmark and timeframe I would think the court would allow it.

 

[Stouffers]

Abortion still on the table?

 

[Texas Pride]

I had an ex make a similar claim many years ago to me and then recant it later. Women get desperate and frantic when they're vulnerable be that as drunk or in a bad relationship with another guy etc. And lies flow like the truth when this happens. Separating the truth from the bullshit is easier said than done. In this case outside of a DNA test you'll never be at peace now that pandoras box is open.

 

[iconmaster]

Apparently if you've never slept with King of Foxes, his wife has no use for you.

 

[Papa]

I had an ex make a similar claim many years ago to me and then recant it later. Women get desperate and frantic when they're vulnerable be that as drunk or in a bad relationship with another guy etc. And lies flow like the truth when this happens. Separating the truth from the bullshit is easier said than done. In this case outside of a DNA test you'll never be at peace now that pandoras box is open.

Excuse me comrade you are supposed to #BelieveWomen

 

[StormCell]

Sometimes it's better to just let things be unless or until they come seeking you out. Since girl B has decided to play it off, then I would suppose that it's really best left in your wife's hands to try to filter out the truth on the matter. It could take some time circling the topic, but that is what I believe would be best.